With my back to the boulder, I frantically reload my shotgun. 1… 2… 3… The shotgun is only mine in the vaguest of senses. I borrowed it off a guy who wasn’t using it anymore. He had a skull tattooed on his face and a hole in his stomach so he should be easy to recognise if he comes claiming it back.

• When I find you, I’m gonna gut you!

The voice is coming from the other side of the boulder. I’m in a jungle valley on the northern side of a mountain range and only the faintest of dusky light is seeping through the trees. Whoever is yelling know I’m here beacuse he just saw me run and dive for cover behind the rock. I know he’s there because he’s yelling at me. I aim this way and that. Which way is he gonna come? The tension is too much so I call clockwise and break cover with a cry of ‘Diediedie!!!!!!!!’ and fire blindly. Suddenly I’m face to face with my opponent. He seems as surprised as I am. As I’m already firing I get the advantage. Squeezing off shotgun shells in the general direction of the guy does the trick. I pant and recover and wish this was the kind of game where tension didn’t get the better of one-liner quipping.

‘I found you first’, I finish lamely.