Only in Else Heart.Break() 2: F*** wit tha police


The police woman was hogging the computer. That’s my excuse. By “the computer”, I mean one of the five or six in the police station, the rest of which were at my disposal. And by “was hogging” I mean “using in her work hours”. But I wanted the one she was using and I didn’t want to wait.

So I started one of the other computers and used it first to zap her into a sleep state and then to magically transport her onto the bed of one of her own cells. After I had changed the cell door to only allow people named “Sebastian” through, of course. It’s not my fault if she’s not called Sebastian. It’s not like it’s a closed membership club, anyone is free to join.

Turns out her computer was nothing special, so I left pretty quickly. It’s been a couple of days now. I really should go check on her.

Only in Else Heart.Break() 1: Go home, Sisyphus


I want access to the mayor’s apartment but the guard standing in front of it won’t let me past. I try to find a way to remove her but eventually I figure there’s an easier way: Hack another door to give access to the mayor’s apartment rather than the room behind it. Closest one at hand is the mayor’s aide’s apartment on the opposite side of the town hall. I hazard a guess at the name of the mayoral apartment door. Success, I’m in. I find nothing of interest and leave by the back door. On returning to the town hall a curious sight greets me. It’s late and the aide is drowsily returning to his apartment. Only when he enters by the door to his own apartment he finds himself back in the mayor’s. And so he keeps endlessly traversing the town hall in search of home and rest and finding neither. It’s almost Greek.

A Moment in Game Time: Far Cry 3


With my back to the boulder, I frantically reload my shotgun. 1… 2… 3… The shotgun is only mine in the vaguest of senses. I borrowed it off a guy who wasn’t using it anymore. He had a skull tattooed on his face and a hole in his stomach so he should be easy to recognise if he comes claiming it back.

  • When I find you, I’m gonna gut you!

The voice is coming from the other side of the boulder. I’m in a jungle valley on the northern side of a mountain range and only the faintest of dusky light is seeping through the trees. Whoever is yelling know I’m here beacuse he just saw me run and dive for cover behind the rock. I know he’s there because he’s yelling at me. I aim this way and that. Which way is he gonna come? The tension is too much so I call clockwise and break cover with a cry of ‘Diediedie!!!!!!!!’ and fire blindly. Suddenly I’m face to face with my opponent. He seems as surprised as I am. As I’m already firing I get the advantage. Squeezing off shotgun shells in the general direction of the guy does the trick. I pant and recover and wish this was the kind of game where tension didn’t get the better of one-liner quipping.

‘I found you first’, I finish lamely.