No Man’s Sky: Curiosity (update not found)


After walking through a giant portal that appeared in the desert on a planet in No Man’s Sky, the game presented me with a veiled questionnaire, presented as different reasonings in my character’s inner monologue. Why, my character asked themselves, had they walked through that portal? Or less veiled-ly, Hello Games asked me, the player.

There were three options: To save an NPC? To fight an enemy faction? Or ‘just because I can’?

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Only in Else Heart.Break() 2: F*** wit tha police


The police woman was hogging the computer. That’s my excuse. By “the computer”, I mean one of the five or six in the police station, the rest of which were at my disposal. And by “was hogging” I mean “using in her work hours”. But I wanted the one she was using and I didn’t want to wait.

So I started one of the other computers and used it first to zap her into a sleep state and then to magically transport her onto the bed of one of her own cells. After I had changed the cell door to only allow people named “Sebastian” through, of course. It’s not my fault if she’s not called Sebastian. It’s not like it’s a closed membership club, anyone is free to join.

Turns out her computer was nothing special, so I left pretty quickly. It’s been a couple of days now. I really should go check on her.

A Moment in Game Time: Far Cry 3


With my back to the boulder, I frantically reload my shotgun. 1… 2… 3… The shotgun is only mine in the vaguest of senses. I borrowed it off a guy who wasn’t using it anymore. He had a skull tattooed on his face and a hole in his stomach so he should be easy to recognise if he comes claiming it back.

  • When I find you, I’m gonna gut you!

The voice is coming from the other side of the boulder. I’m in a jungle valley on the northern side of a mountain range and only the faintest of dusky light is seeping through the trees. Whoever is yelling know I’m here beacuse he just saw me run and dive for cover behind the rock. I know he’s there because he’s yelling at me. I aim this way and that. Which way is he gonna come? The tension is too much so I call clockwise and break cover with a cry of ‘Diediedie!!!!!!!!’ and fire blindly. Suddenly I’m face to face with my opponent. He seems as surprised as I am. As I’m already firing I get the advantage. Squeezing off shotgun shells in the general direction of the guy does the trick. I pant and recover and wish this was the kind of game where tension didn’t get the better of one-liner quipping.

‘I found you first’, I finish lamely.